honesty isn't embarrassing if used appropriately

After writing an honest email to a friend, I got a response from her that reminded me that living life as an 'open book' can encourage much more than the possibility of personal embarrassment. Often we put our 'masks' on and hide our real inner-struggles and feelings of faith-failure because as Christians, we're supposed to be positive and following Christ - the one who never disappoints. Yet, when we're in trial and disappointment and true inner-struggle, we don't share and allow others to see what a deep, honest relationship with Christ looks like. Christians are not perfect. We're not even close to it. If you're really trying to follow Christ, you're actually more aware of how messed-up you are than those who are living apart from Christ. The humility that comes from really knowing who you are under the Grace of Christ brings light to why we really need Him.

So, in light of my honesty being encouraging to one, I decided I'd let you all in on what the last few weeks have taught me. I'm coming out of the pit and beginning to get some perspective ... but for those that are where I was, take courage! The only way God will get glory from your story is if you share it. Here are bits of the email and scripture I shared:

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Manna.

Oh that funny, confusing provision from the Lord.

Exodus 16.

I'm learning that the people called it, 'What is this?' Each day I'm saying to God, "What is this? Is this your will? Is this really your provision? Is this your idea of good?"

The people could only gather enough for a day.

God wants me to gather only enough strength for the day. He wants me to wake up each day and see what He's provided - NOT TRYING TO GATHER MORE THAN I NEED. Our personal provisions and ideas of what we need are not His. When we try to do it on our own, worms and disaster and nastiness comes. Our sin and selfishness are revealed.

6 weeks ago as I was deep in a pit, I was reminded that I have to want to be healed and have to want my sight restored.

Mark 10:46 and following ....

The man didn't have sight.

I've lost my Jesus-vision.

The man heard Jesus.

I'm hearing him but I can't see his work around me.

The people were pushing the man aside.

I feel like I've been brushed aside by those around me and no one cares.

Jesus stopped.

I'm asking Jesus to stop and listen to me. Heal me.

The people payed attention to the man once his cry was heard by Jesus.

I want people to encourage me to continue to seek Jesus and everyone be pointed toward His goals.

Jesus rhetorically asked the blind man what he wanted. Jesus knew. Jesus wanted to hear it from His mouth.

The blind man spoke. He wanted to be healed.

Jesus fully healed him.

I want to be restored - I want my optimistic Jesus-lenses again. I want to see God active. I want to continue to follow, but I need Jesus to stop moving ahead and truly heal me from my woundedness.

But, I must call out to him. I must want to be healed. I must not give up. I must have faith. My faith must heal me.