Often I pinch myself as I’m doing the ordinary here – going to the grocery store, driving down the road with my stick shift, sitting in front of a computer in the Prevention Office at work… the mundane things of life make me think I’m just doing life in America; I mentally have to remind myself that I’m in Africa doing work many people would love to do. Other times, like just last week, I pinch myself because what I’m seeing/hearing doesn’t sound like reality – it sounds much worse than what life should look like.
Only with the Lord’s help, I’ve been meeting with 2 girls from Capricorn – individually at first and then I hope to merge the two (and have a discipleship group instead of discipleship one-on-ones). Overall, this process has been slow. The girls are diligent to do their ‘assignments’ – memorize scripture, read the passages of the Bible we’re studying, reach the small weekly goals we’ve set; however, the sustainable pace we’ve set is quite slower than what I’d use with an American teenager. But praise be to the Lord for helping me set realistic goals for them and helping me understand their need for counseling (a listening ear), physical presence (someone that believes in them taking the time to meet), and trust (someone that will believe and not leave). All these things are possible now because I’ve been here so long!
One of the girls I’m meeting with regularly told me the reality of her situation recently and I’m still shocked and struggling as how to handle it all. She’s 15, mom & dad are together but drunkards – not working, don’t take care of her, one brother in jail for gang activity, one brother at home dying of AIDS, no food in the house (neighbors/friends often feed her), she owns one pair of shoes… I could go on and on but it just gets more depressing and hopeless. This young girl has been on a rollercoaster of spirituality – much in part (in my opinion) from circumstance not apathy. She’s a natural leader, confident, but lately she’s been pretty down and hopeless.
Last week when I asked her about her home-life, she told me she’d moved out. Her mom’s friend offered to house her because they have a more ‘stable’ Christian family (also in Capricorn – the tiny house holds 9 currently) and they could provide food for her on occasion. When I asked the girl about school – they’re writing exams and ending the term – she told me, “Melanie, I’m having a hard time with exams. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate when you’re hungry?” She went on to tell me that if there’s not a lot of food in the house, she won’t grab something to eat (because she’s the guest and feels like she’s intruding), so she goes to school without breakfast or lunch in hand and hopes there’s something for dinner. The church gives her a parcel of basic groceries each month, but I’m afraid she’s either giving it to her biological family or if she’s giving it to the family she’s living with, the food runs out quickly because there are so many other mouths to feed.
She also told me she’d thought about suicide … often. Remember me telling you about a girl in our youth group (blogged about awhile ago) that tried to commit suicide? Well these two girls got together and talked about the reasons why girl ‘A’ actually drank the poison and why girl ‘B’ shouldn’t do it. The girl I’m meeting with told me that she felt exactly the same emotions and thoughts that girl ‘A’ did but that she wasn’t going to do it because somewhere deep in her she knew that wasn’t God’s plan for her.
This young girl has a lot of natural/physical/emotional things against her, but she’s grasping for God and seems to know that He will provide all that she lacks – love, wholeness, confidence, food/clothing… but this trust in God gets very difficult when the ‘natural’ is against her, when her family isn’t there emotionally or physically, when all her friends are using drugs and having sex, when it’d just be easier to steal her next meal. But God is placing people around her to hold her accountable to hope. She sees her need for a different perspective. She sees God as provider – for physical, emotional, spiritual!
Pray for this young girl as she continues to find Hope.
Pray for me as I try to take hold of the desperation all around me. Pray that God gives me His eyes and His wisdom for each situation with our youth and my sweet Capricorn discipleship girls.
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