A lot of my Pause this past April had to do with fatigue in multiple areas of life. I'm learning that I need to set some boundaries and take care of myself better. How can I really fulfill, "Love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matt 22:39) if I haven't been loving and respecting myself.
I have Compassion Fatigue. I first heard about this concept in reading: A Mile in My Shoes by Trevor Hudson - a guide to missions and friendship with the poor. At first, I denied my fatigue - wanting my exhaustion and pain to be from another source - because Compassion Fatigue sounds so un-Christian. But, it is true. I'm recovering from things that many Christians might frown upon.
Trevor Hudson puts it so nicely, "I needed to discover a better balance between the two extremes of self-centeredness on the one hand and needless self-sacrifice on the other" (pg 86 - A Mile in My Shoes).
While most cases of Compassion Fatigue researched are of care-givers of ill family-members, or those in the medical field, I dare say that those on the mission field working with poverty-communities are at a high risk of this burn-out as well. Google defines Compassion Fatigue as: "an indifference to charitable appeals on behalf of suffering people, experienced as a result of the frequency or number of such appeals." (Google search: Compassion Fatigue). I found myself hesitant to go into Capricorn and do my work because I couldn't muster the energy to listen to another problem or need from my Capricorn families. I still feel very inadequate for all the issues that I'm faced with in this mission, but I'm more exhausted by the cycle of needs here - physical, emotional, mental. People in Capricorn have deep-rooted challenges and to minister to just a few requires the Armor of God!
Before you think I'm in the pit of depression and need an air-lift to the United States, let me inform you, I'M RECOVERING! I'm actually feeling so much better and lighter and more hopeful. It's like I needed to break so that God's perfect healing could come!
I've spoken to the church-staff here and my Guidance Team from America. Both gave me great freedom to heal and do what I need to do so that I can be in better health. I'm lessening my involvement in a lot of areas this month and wiping clean the slate of 'work' to see what the Lord is asking me to invest in. I know this realization of my exhaustion was fruitful. I've heard God's voice in multiple confirming ways; multiple people have advised and guided me similarly - even the same sort of theme-words have been used and ring true in these conversations! I'm currently praying through / talking about / discerning a few new open-doors to ministry in Capricorn, and I'm taking time off the draining-ministry-sites that need fresh blood and local leadership! This has been a humbling process but such a valuable one!
More exciting news about future ministry to Capricorn coming. Stay tuned.
But for now, I'll continue to blog and reveal more about the questions and findings of my April Pause!
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